Not the message I got tonight, but one that is quite close to it…

What a good night. I found the next step. And that’s not to sulk, it’s not to cry about what could be, it’s not to get over it and start over, but it’s to figure me out. And the only person that can figure me out is myself. And that’s going to be hard for me to do.

Why exactly have things played out the way that they have in the past month? What is God trying to teach me through this entire process? That I need to face my past? I’m sure. I know that by just letting it go I’m not doing anyone any favors. But what else? What’s the underlying message here? That’s what is so important… figuring that one message out. For if I can figure what God is telling me through the events of the last month, I can best determine what to do next.

But I already know what I can do immediately: I can pray for guidance, as always. But I can also, in the midst of all of this, be a man that continues to protect and to serve his friends, especially those closest to him. One obtains a loving, working relationship through a multitude of shared experiences, those of which both in the relationship ultimately rise up from to become better people in the end. Oh, tonight was proof that there is something good, something special going on between two people who are not ready for each other, in my estimation. It was proof that we are works in progress. If I could only be what I need to be for her all of the time… if I could figure out myself before I enter into something deeper… that is when this becomes something more.

 

rememberwhenitoldyouthewaythatifelt…thatidbelostwithoutyouandneverfindmyself? letsholdontoeachotherandfindourwayout…startover.

start over.

 

–jl–