Today helped. I saw, at the very least, a faint glimmer of hope for something more in what is already a solid relationship. At the most, well, I saw how well we complement each other and how much possibility their lies for something. I saw hope today for something that may be reciprocated, which is not anything new. The question of whether both of us are ready for anything, for each other, for more than what we are now is now lying in the hands of God.

Meanwhile, courage builds like a rolling Florida storm cloud in summer, but it’s still in the early stages. I’m still very fearful but I know that things will ultimately be as God wants them to be. And that, in time, will give me peace. But that part of the conglomerate mix of feeling, state of mind, and emotion has not entered itself into my gut yet, and that’s what deprives me from moving forward with where I am now.

Six months ago, I was told to take a step back by her.

Five months ago, I was told to re-evaluate by Him.

Four months ago, I was told to give the relationship up to Him.

Three months ago, I was still working on that.

Two months ago, I discovered how to give it up. And did so.

One month ago, a rush of emotion and love came back, of all the times, during a conflict.

And now, here I stand, working on what will become a defining moment in my life, knowing that God will take care of everything, so long as I follow His instructions. I just hope that I’m good and strong enough to do just that.

 

–jl–