you gotta love yourself if you can ever love me.

Not the message I got tonight, but one that is quite close to it…

What a good night. I found the next step. And that’s not to sulk, it’s not to cry about what could be, it’s not to get over it and start over, but it’s to figure me out. And the only person that can figure me out is myself. And that’s going to be hard for me to do.

Why exactly have things played out the way that they have in the past month? What is God trying to teach me through this entire process? That I need to face my past? I’m sure. I know that by just letting it go I’m not doing anyone any favors. But what else? What’s the underlying message here? That’s what is so important… figuring that one message out. For if I can figure what God is telling me through the events of the last month, I can best determine what to do next.

But I already know what I can do immediately: I can pray for guidance, as always. But I can also, in the midst of all of this, be a man that continues to protect and to serve his friends, especially those closest to him. One obtains a loving, working relationship through a multitude of shared experiences, those of which both in the relationship ultimately rise up from to become better people in the end. Oh, tonight was proof that there is something good, something special going on between two people who are not ready for each other, in my estimation. It was proof that we are works in progress. If I could only be what I need to be for her all of the time… if I could figure out myself before I enter into something deeper… that is when this becomes something more.

 

rememberwhenitoldyouthewaythatifelt…thatidbelostwithoutyouandneverfindmyself? letsholdontoeachotherandfindourwayout…startover.

start over.

 

–jl–

oh, saturday, it’s been fun groovin’ with you.

Today helped. I saw, at the very least, a faint glimmer of hope for something more in what is already a solid relationship. At the most, well, I saw how well we complement each other and how much possibility their lies for something. I saw hope today for something that may be reciprocated, which is not anything new. The question of whether both of us are ready for anything, for each other, for more than what we are now is now lying in the hands of God.

Meanwhile, courage builds like a rolling Florida storm cloud in summer, but it’s still in the early stages. I’m still very fearful but I know that things will ultimately be as God wants them to be. And that, in time, will give me peace. But that part of the conglomerate mix of feeling, state of mind, and emotion has not entered itself into my gut yet, and that’s what deprives me from moving forward with where I am now.

Six months ago, I was told to take a step back by her.

Five months ago, I was told to re-evaluate by Him.

Four months ago, I was told to give the relationship up to Him.

Three months ago, I was still working on that.

Two months ago, I discovered how to give it up. And did so.

One month ago, a rush of emotion and love came back, of all the times, during a conflict.

And now, here I stand, working on what will become a defining moment in my life, knowing that God will take care of everything, so long as I follow His instructions. I just hope that I’m good and strong enough to do just that.

 

–jl–

an evening (morning?) of reflection.

It has been about 3 months since I had logged onto wordpress.com to update and manage my blog. That streak of not updating this page ended this evening. For tonight, in just checking up on this project that I so abandoned, I began looking back and seeing who I had been in the past 15 months of writing on this wall. I saw my past, saw what had plagued me, saw how I dealt with certain issues. And now, I’m not who I was then because of these decisions. I’ve (hopefully) become better, wiser, stronger because of it.

The reason why I came here this night was to seek for answers. I came looking for answers to questions about things that I had asked myself before and never ever got definitive answers at that time. To be honest, tonight wasn’t a breakthrough by any stretch– but it did provide me with more material which I can chew on, pray about, and learn from as a result. In reading certain posts I was able to see how events went down, and how I treated them as they went down.

It comes down to this– there is this woman (I hesitate to use the word ‘girl’ here, because she is so spiritually mature, yet I want to, because that’s what her faith and personality comes down to– something that is so childlike, and I mean that in a good way)… there is this  that rocks my world. And,  for the moment (in the best of scenarios), I can’t have her and call her mine. It’s a thought that’s crushing to the heart, to aspirations, personal or otherwise, to all of the matchmakers who have called this for so long. But I’m stuck in the position I’m in, because while I can’t be happy with her, whenever I drift towards anyone else, I can’t enter into something deeper with them, because I’m simply stuck on the other. The position I’m in (or that I’ve put myself into) is one that’s hurt some other friends of mine, to which I can only apologize and hope for the best. That certainly makes things binding. And difficult. And, at times, quite painful.

So I came here tonight looking for answers as to what I can do to get myself out of this hole. And, while I didn’t find anything immediately, I found something that has very nearly worked before. I found something that could get me out of the pickle I’m in and turn out to be very good, what I’ve been hoping and praying for. On the other side, however, it could mean the end of a friendship with which I don’t want to part. That something is, simply, courage.

For I am such a cowardly lion when it comes to things like this! I look back on blog posts past, around the time of opportunities I had, and I see that I was questioning, wondering what to do, what should I do, what direction should I choose, should I risk what I have now, will this work, will it ever work, why do I keep coming  back to where I was, is that a sign that I haven’t been doing things right and that God is giving me chances to redeem myself, is it a sign in the reverse direction that things are never meant to work because of my fear for the unkown, of not knowing how things will be, of not knowing if it will last, if a friendship will last, if or if not the fairytale ending is in store, if she loves me how I love her? I just question, overanalyze, and take too much time. And so I go again. I’ve done that now. For two weeks, I’ve known the task that faces me. And yet I am so fearful of it!

The courage simply eludes me. And I don’t know why it is that way. I’ve been able to stand up and deliver presentations before on any sort of topic. I’ve acted, I’ve sang, I’ve performed for years in front of tens of thousands of people. I stand up and stand out, keeping active, volunteering of myself as much as I can while maintaining the focus on what it is I do. I’m courageous, brave, bold in so many instances that require so much of me. And yet, when it comes to this one person, I just lose it all. I freeze and become completely a babbling fool as to what to do, what to say, how to approach every little thing. And I see that this holds consistent with times similar to these in the past; times where I’m trying to figure out which direction at the crossroads to take. Reminds me of the Robert Frost line– there are two roads diverged in a wood. Do I take the one I’ve often traveled and just move along, tying one more bead onto what has become the necklace of knotted regrets in this relationship? Or do I opt for the road less (or, in my case, never) traveled, take the risk, enjoy the adventure, and come up at the ultimate convergence stronger, wiser, better than before? I know that I need to confront this issue for once and for all. For I need to regain my sanity in the matter. Perhaps some simple and consistent God-time in the matter will help. Some consistent me-time in the matter will help. But I can’t wait too long… otherwise, time will force me down the road oft traveled.

I came here tonight to seek for answers to questions, questions that had been asked over and over again. I do not leave this place with anything definite in my hands, anything which I can cling to. But I leave here with a renewed sense of purpose in this matter, and a renewed (yet fearful) sense of hope. I just pray that I get it right this time.

 

–jl–

the imitation of christ, book iii, chapter v.

 

V. THE WONDERFUL EFFECT OF DIVINE LOVE

THE DISCIPLE

I BLESS You, O heavenly Father, Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, for having condescended to remember me, a poor creature. Thanks to You, O Father of mercies, God of all consolation, Who with Your comfort sometimes refresh me, who am not worthy of it. I bless You always and glorify You with Your only-begotten Son and the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, forever and ever.

Ah, Lord God, my holy Lover, when You come into my heart, all that is within me will rejoice. You are my glory and the exultation of my heart. You are my hope and refuge in the day of my tribulation. But because my love is as yet weak and my virtue imperfect, I must be strengthened and comforted by You. Visit me often, therefore, and teach me Your holy discipline. Free me from evil passions and cleanse my heart of all disorderly affection so that, healed and purified within, I may be fit to love, strong to suffer, and firm to persevere.

Love is an excellent thing, a very great blessing, indeed. It makes every difficulty easy, and bears all wrongs with equanimity. For it bears a burden without being weighted and renders sweet all that is bitter. The noble love of Jesus spurs to great deeds and excites longing for that which is more perfect. Love tends upward; it will not be held down by anything low. Love wishes to be free and estranged from all worldly affections, lest its inward sight be obstructed, lest it be entangled in any temporal interest and overcome by adversity.

Nothing is sweeter than love, nothing stronger or higher or wider; nothing is more pleasant, nothing fuller, and nothing better in heaven or on earth, for love is born of God and cannot rest except in God, Who is above all created things.

One who is in love flies, runs, and rejoices; he is free, not bound. He gives all for all and possesses all in all, because he rests in the one sovereign Good, Who is above all things, and from Whom every good flows and proceeds. He does not look to the gift but turns himself above all gifts to the Giver.

Love often knows no limits but overflows all bounds. Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of troubles, attempts more than it is able, and does not plead impossibility, because it believes that it may and can do all things. For this reason, it is able to do all, performing and effecting much where he who does not love fails and falls.

Love is watchful. Sleeping, it does not slumber. Wearied, it is not tired. Pressed, it is not straitened. Alarmed, it is not confused, but like a living flame, a burning torch, it forces its way upward and passes unharmed through every obstacle.

If a man loves, he will know the sound of this voice. For this warm affection of soul is a loud voice crying in the ears of God, and it says: “My God, my love, You are all mine and I am all Yours. Give me an increase of love, that I may learn to taste with the inward lips of my heart how sweet it is to love, how sweet to be dissolved in love and bathe in it. Let me be rapt in love. Let me rise above self in great fervor and wonder. Let me sing the hymn of love, and let me follow You, my Love, to the heights. Let my soul exhaust itself in praising You, rejoicing out of love. Let me love You more than myself, and let me not love myself except for Your sake. In You let me love all those who truly love You, as the law of love, which shines forth from You, commands.”

Love is swift, sincere, kind, pleasant, and delightful. Love is strong, patient and faithful, prudent, long-suffering, and manly. Love is never self-seeking, for in whatever a person seeks himself there he falls from love. Love is circumspect, humble, and upright. It is neither soft nor light, nor intent upon vain things. It is sober and chaste, firm and quiet, guarded in all the senses. Love is subject and obedient to superiors. It is mean and contemptible in its own eyes, devoted and thankful to God; always trusting and hoping in Him even when He is distasteful to it, for there is no living in love without sorrow. He who is not ready to suffer all things and to stand resigned to the will of the Beloved is not worthy to be called a lover. A lover must embrace willingly all that is difficult and bitter for the sake of the Beloved, and he should not turn away from Him because of adversities.

 

How great is our God, simply that He knows us and forgives us for all of our transgressions! We do nothing to deserve His mercy, and yet, He gives it to us. We should therefore give Him all the glory and praise as we strive to do all that we do in this life. We should also come to Him looking for love, comfort, and instruction, for where we are weak, He is strong.

Love is such a strong and a good force that we can use here to make all of our troubles seem much less burdensome. By using love, we use God in everything that we pour ourselves into and care about… whether that be a relationship, a hobby, or simply the way we live our lives. However, love only finds its way back to the God who created it and resides in it. And when one gives everything back to God, they discover that they are able to be free, to rejoice and run swifter, be burdened less, and know no limits, because they are enabled by, and rest in peace with, God. Subsequently, those who do not possess love cannot do these things, for they are not enabled. And love overflows and surpasses anything that attempts to stand in its way, unscathed, fueled by the fire that God places in it.

Those who are filled with God’s love know that they are filled with the desire to be closer to God, and want to expand in His love to greater and greater places. If they can fulfill the Greatest Commandment they are well on their way to a healthy and well-oiled relationship with the Father.

Love is a wealth of good things,  but it is also humble and does not wish for anything for themselves, for this selfishness is precisely where the love ends and the pride begins. I know that I have to be careful with something like this in what I’m doing at the church, in my studies, in all that I do. And I always have to remind myself, and often pray, for God to keep me humble in all that I do.

Finally, amidst all of this, love comes with sorrow as the disclaimer, for there is no love without some sorrow. And so love comes with the realization of the dying and resurrection of our Lord. For all the good that comes with love, we must also take the bad, whatever God gives us, and willingly embrace that just as much as we embrace the good in order to grow in love and love of God.

 

–jl–

the imitation of christ, book iii, chapter iv.

IV. WE MUST WALK BEFORE GOD IN HUMILITY AND TRUTH

THE VOICE OF CHRIST

MY CHILD, walk before Me in truth, and seek Me always in the simplicity of your heart. He who walks before Me in truth shall be defended from the attacks of evil, and the truth shall free him from seducers and from the slanders of wicked men. For if the truth has made you free, then you shall be free indeed, and you shall not care for the vain words of men.

THE DISCIPLE

O Lord, it is true. I ask that it be with me as You say. Let your truth teach me. Let it guard me, and keep me safe to the end. Let it free me from all evil affection and badly ordered love, and I shall walk with You in great freedom of heart.

THE VOICE OF CHRIST

I shall teach you those things which are right and pleasing to Me. Consider your sins with great displeasure and sorrow, and never think yourself to be someone because of your good works. You are truly a sinner. You are subject to many passions and entangled in them. Of yourself you always tend to nothing. You fall quickly, are quickly overcome, quickly troubled, and quickly undone. You have nothing in which you can glory, but you have many things for which you should think yourself vile, for you are much weaker than you can comprehend. Hence, let none of the things you do seem great to you. Let nothing seem important or precious or desirable except that which is everlasting. Let the eternal truth please you above all things, and let your extreme unworthiness always displease you. Fear nothing, abhor nothing, and fly nothing as you do your own vices and sins; these should be more unpleasant for you than any material losses.

Some men walk before Me without sincerity. Led on by a certain curiosity and arrogance, they wish to know My secrets and to understand the high things of God, to the neglect of themselves and their own salvation. Through their own pride and curiosity, and because I am against them, such men often fall into great temptations and sins.

Fear the judgments of God! Dread the wrath of the Almighty! Do not discuss the works of the Most High, but examine your sins — in what serious things you have offended and how many good things you have neglected.

Some carry their devotion only in books, some in pictures, some in outward signs and figures. Some have Me on their lips when there is little of Me in their hearts. Others, indeed, with enlightened understanding and purified affections, constantly long for everlasting things; they are unwilling to hear of earthly affairs and only with reluctance do they serve the necessities of nature. These sense what the Spirit of truth speaks within them: for He teaches them to despise earthly things and to love those of heaven, to neglect the world, and each day and night to desire heaven.

 

 Christ wants us to walk in truth… which is Him and Him alone. It is through that truth that we can have spiritual freedom, to live freely and love freely as God wants us to do. If we let God’s truth guide us, it will guard us, keep us safe, and help us to draw closer to Him. In order to do this, we must remember that we are sinners, blowing around in the wind from dissuasion to dissuasion. Nothing here matters if it doesn’t draw us towards that path of salvation that God has for us. Thus, we should not become distracted in such things that are ultimately not leading us towards salvation.

We should have a reverent fear for God and his judgement on our lives. Humility is key in doing this: if we are not humble about what kind of a person we are, we will think that we are good in our understanding, but not good enough in the eyes of God. Always, always, examine your conscience in order to keep yourself on the straight and narrow path to Christ. And make sure that we keep this path by doing all that we can along the way to develop and nurture our faith life. By desiring salvation, this lofty goal can have a chance at being achieved.

 

–jl–

the imitation of christ, book iii, chapter iii.

III. LISTEN HUMBLY TO THE WORDS OF GOD. MANY DO NOT HEED THEM

THE VOICE OF CHRIST

MY CHILD, hear My words, words of greatest sweetness surpassing all the knowledge of the philosophers and wise men of earth. My words are spirit and life, and they are not to be weighed by man’s understanding. They are not to be invoked in vanity but are to be heard in silence, and accepted with all humility and with great affection.

THE DISCIPLE

“Happy is the man whom Thou admonishest, O Lord, and teachest out of Thy law, to give him peace from the days of evil,”[31] and that he be not desolate on earth.

THE VOICE OF CHRIST

I taught the prophets from the beginning, and even to this day I continue to speak to all men. But many are hardened. Many are deaf to My voice. Most men listen more willingly to the world than to God. They are more ready to follow the appetite of their flesh than the good pleasure of God. The world, which promises small and passing things, is served with great eagerness: I promise great and eternal things and the hearts of men grow dull. Who is there that serves and obeys Me in all things with as great care as that with which the world and its masters are served?

“Be thou ashamed, O Sidon, for the sea speaketh.”[32] And if you ask why, listen to the cause: for a small gain they travel far; for eternal life many will scarcely lift a foot from the ground. They seek a petty reward, and sometimes fight shamefully in law courts for a single piece of money. They are not afraid to work day and night for a trifle or an empty promise. But, for an unchanging good, for a reward beyond estimate, for the greatest honor and for glory everlasting, it must be said to their shame that men begrudge even the least fatigue. Be ashamed, then, lazy and complaining servant, that they should be found more eager for perdition than you are for life, that they rejoice more in vanity than you in truth.

Sometimes indeed their expectations fail them, but My promise never deceives, nor does it send away empty-handed him who trusts in Me. What I have promised I will give. What I have said I will fulfill, if only a man remain faithful in My love to the end. I am the rewarder of all the good, the strong approver of all who are devoted to Me.

Write My words in your heart and meditate on them earnestly, for in time of temptation they will be very necessary. What you do not understand when you read, you will learn in the day of visitation. I am wont to visit My elect in two ways — by temptation and by consolation. To them I read two lessons daily — one reproving their vices, the other exhorting them to progress in virtue. He who has My words and despises them has that which shall condemn him on the last day.

A PRAYER FOR THE GRACE OF DEVOTION

O Lord my God, You are all my good. And who am I that I should dare to speak to You? I am Your poorest and meanest servant, a vile worm, much more poor and contemptible than I know or dare to say. Yet remember me, Lord, because I am nothing, I have nothing, and I can do nothing. You alone are good, just, and holy. You can do all things, You give all things, You fill all things: only the sinner do You leave empty-handed. Remember Your tender mercies and fill my heart with Your grace, You Who will not allow Your works to be in vain. How can I bear this life of misery unless You comfort me with Your mercy and grace? Do not turn Your face from me. Do not delay Your visitation. Do not withdraw Your consolation, lest in Your sight my soul become as desert land. Teach me, Lord, to do Your will. Teach me to live worthily and humbly in Your sight, for You are my wisdom Who know me truly, and Who knew me even before the world was made and before I was born into it.

 

 The word of God is greater than those who have preached to the largest gathered crowds, or from the tallest mountain peaks, or in the deepest valleys, or in the most desolate of places. The word of God is greater than any human can put into words alone. Thus, we, as humans, and followers of His divinity, should listen intently to something that man itself cannot possibly say by himself. His word is 100% spirit, 100% life… it’s not simply one or the other. And God’s word continues to flow down from the heavens to us, every day– whether it be in someone we meet, something we read, something we think, something we do, something we observe. God’s word, spirit, and life are in and around us constantly. So are, however, the spirit of the earth, the spirit of the flesh, and the spirit of the devil. We, as Christians, need to determine for ourselves which spirit and voice is God’s above all other voices and distractions. And not everyone hears clearly. Some falter and give in to the other spirits. They grow deaf to the Lord’s voice. They grow deaf because they hear of something that sounds good to them from the other spirits, and they try to do so much for something that, ultimately, matters so little.

The thing about the spirit of the Lord and what He says is that it’s a constant, unchanging message– a promise of eternal life, of a reward waiting for us in heaven, where we can reside in the peace and company of Him, and all His angels and saints. Thus, we must trust in the Lord’s word, and continue to turn to the Lord in need, in temptation by the other spirits that can talk to us. We should keep the Lord’s word close to our hearts, and never stray from that promise of salvation.

 

–jl–

the imitation of christ, book iii, chapter ii.

II. TRUTH SPEAKS INWARDLY WITHOUT THE SOUND OF WORDS

THE DISCIPLE

SPEAK, Lord, for Thy servant heareth.”[25] “I am Thy servant. Give me understanding that I may know Thine ordinances[26] . . . Incline my heart to Thine ordinances[27] . . . Let Thy speech distil as the dew.”[28]

The children of Israel once said to Moses: “Speak thou to us and we will hear thee: let not the Lord speak to us, lest we die.”[29]

Not so, Lord, not so do I pray. Rather with Samuel the prophet I entreat humbly and earnestly: “Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth.” Do not let Moses or any of the prophets speak to me; but You speak, O Lord God, Who inspired and enlightened all the prophets; for You alone, without them, can instruct me perfectly, whereas they, without You, can do nothing. They, indeed, utter fine words, but they cannot impart the spirit. They do indeed speak beautifully, but if You remain silent they cannot inflame the heart. They deliver the message; You lay bare the sense. They place before us mysteries, but You unlock their meaning. They proclaim commandments; You help us to keep them. They point out the way; You give strength for the journey. They work only outwardly; You instruct and enlighten our hearts. They water on the outside; You give the increase.

They cry out words; You give understanding to the hearer.

Let not Moses speak to me, therefore, but You, the Lord my God, everlasting truth, speak lest I die and prove barren if I am merely given outward advice and am not inflamed within; lest the word heard and not kept, known and not loved, believed and not obeyed, rise up in judgment against me.

Speak, therefore, Lord, for Your servant listens. “Thou hast the words of eternal life.”[30] Speak to me for the comfort of my soul and for the amendment of my life, for Your praise, Your glory, and Your everlasting honor.

 

A whole bunch of Biblical quotes here, all by different people of God– Samuel and David, namely, who ask the Lord to speak to them directly. The best way to have God speak to us in the silence of our hearts is to ask Him directly, so as not to hear the words He has for us from anywhere but Him. God is the only inspirer of all of the prophets; without God, the prophets are nothing. The prophets simply bear the words of God. It is God, and He alone, who gives the meaning behind the words, gives the understanding to those who worship Him. We should then humbly ask for the Lord God to speak to us directly rather than through the words of these prophets, as it is through God’s words that the fire is lit within our souls.

 

–jl–

the imitation of christ, book iii, chapter i.

So I’ve decided for Lent that I’m going to do some daily reflection on the Imitation of Christ, a set of reflections written by Thomas A Kempis in the 15th century. For this Lenten season I’m going to focus on the book of Imitation that has to do with interior conversion. I’ll be posting my thoughts on these reflections daily, so if you’re looking for something to add to your Lenten spiritual journey, I encourage you to read along with me, comment with your thoughts, and join me in this journey through to Easter.

 

I. THE INWARD CONVERSATION OF CHRIST WITH THE FAITHFUL SOUL

I WILL hear what the Lord God will speak in me.”[24]

Blessed is the soul who hears the Lord speaking within her, who receives the word of consolation from His lips. Blessed are the ears that catch the accents of divine whispering, and pay no heed to the murmurings of this world. Blessed indeed are the ears that listen, not to the voice which sounds without, but to the truth which teaches within. Blessed are the eyes which are closed to exterior things and are fixed upon those which are interior. Blessed are they who penetrate inwardly, who try daily to prepare themselves more and more to understand mysteries. Blessed are they who long to give their time to God, and who cut themselves off from the hindrances of the world.

Consider these things, my soul, and close the door of your senses, so that you can hear what the Lord your God speaks within you. “I am your salvation,” says your Beloved. “I am your peace and your life. Remain with Me and you will find peace. Dismiss all passing things and seek the eternal. What are all temporal things but snares? And what help will all creatures be able to give you if you are deserted by the Creator?” Leave all these things, therefore, and make yourself pleasing and faithful to your Creator so that you may attain to true happiness.

So: Blessed are those who can hear the Lord speak to them through all the noise that this world gives us. This, though, is hard to do– the talk of the world and away from religion stretches far and wide and can cover one’s eyes, like a veil, to the truth. It is our responsibility as Christians to fight that veil, to look inwardly, to look deeper, and see and hear for ourselves what God’s intentions truly are. Even this, however, can be quite challenging, as things that are even just a little bit worldly, while sometimes good, could also be turned on us as a cause for sin. We should concentrate on listening to what God says, maybe in some time in quiet prayer… by just letting God speak, rather than us speak to Him, we may be able to more fully listen and understand God’s intentions and words to us. And do the best that you can– by doing what is good and right in God’s eyes, you’re well on the way to something eternally good and right.

 

–jl–

another year over, a new one just begun. (100)

So, 2009 has begun. Within the year, I’ll be halfway done with college. I’ll have four semesters remaining here at the University. I hope to be well on my way to figuring out exactly what it is I should be doing… not just in a career realm, but in a leadership realm, a relationship and friendship realm. I could be all over the map this year, from Florida to Texas to Connecticut (internships?) to Massachusetts to Minnesota to Wisconsin to Washington (grad school tour?) to California (road trip?), simply depending on what happens to me in the next 12 months. It should be quite an interesting and a fun-filled 2009.

So, all of this, yet, as I start this year, I look at problems from the end of 2008. I didn’t get a winter break… in the two weeks that would have been my break, I took care of the craziness that is the Christmas season (materialistically and non-materialistically), saw family upon family upon family, and, just when I think that things were to settle down, other problems come up that I must deal with. It’s not the small stuff that comes up either… it’s the big stuff that kept (keeps) me up late at night, wondering how to fix this, what to do about that, whether this idea would be best served in this place. It’s also the big stuff that I’m most passionate about, and the big stuff that gets me the most involved, through my faith, through my heart. I can only help that 2009 brings some solutions to 2008.

And so far, there has been hope. Nothing like putting everything on God’s shoulders… a friend of mine got me a copy of “The Imitation of Christ,” and, so far, a little bit of daily reflection on those words has helped with one of these large problems of mine. The biggest thing that I’m learning: learn to be humble, in taking things that you want to be in control of and giving them up. Letting God take control of the hard stuff in life will make things a whole lot easier for you. It may not be the solution that you want, but, in time, you can be confident that it’s the best one, as it’s God making the decisions. And what’s better than that?

So, as we enter into this new year, I’m hopeful that these large problems looming from last year can get solved. I know that things could get long, complicated, and messy, but all of that won’t be a problem if I can trust in God, knowing that things will get solved through Him.

May God bless your year in 2009… I hope that it’s better than the last.

–jl–

and then there were two.

The Gators are going to the BCS National Championship in Miami on January 8th. They essentially clinched their spot by defeating undefeated Alabama on Saturday, 31-20, in what was a classic game– back and forth, great offensive plays for both teams, great defensive plays for both teams, all in all, great football in general. Of course, what more could you expect from a Heisman-winning quarterback, an undefeated team, and the best conference in college football?

So I drove down University Avenue right after the game let out, coming back from a friend’s apartment. Well, I didn’t drive… I kind of took my foot off the brake and my car rolled down University Ave. This was because one of the side streets running away from campus was completely blocked off by police. People were hanging from the rafters, from trees, from anything else they could grab onto… except the traffic lights. People simply ran across the street, with no regard for the cars coming, with no regard for human life. I drove onto campus (it was much quieter there) and went to a volleyball game. But the party didn’t end there. You could hear the mob outside the O-Dome as they stormed Ben Hill Griffin Stadium, and went onto the field. 2,000 people on The Swamp’s grass, taking a victory lap.

We found out later on Sunday night that we would be playing Oklahoma for the BCS-NC. And I am now hoping to God that I can watch my team play the best team from the other best conference in college football, hoping to spend $175 for a student ticket to Miami.

Meanwhile, there are plenty of other bowl games… which is why I’m putting up here that I am running, for my ninth year, my bowl prediction system. I’m teaming up with Frontier Markets this year to put this on a prediction market, and make running things a little bit different and a whole lot more interesting. I ask that you join, and invite any of your sports-minded friends to join as well. I’ll be putting up prediction markets for the bowls, first and foremost. I plan to follow this up, if this is successful, with college basketball, NFL, and MLB markets. Join the Facebook group, and post your e-mail, here to register: http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?ref=mb#/group.php?gid=53411367596

Thanks, and good luck!

–jl–